Don't Wake Avalanche
by Gothicthundra
Summary: With Bills, lack of money and sleep, groceries, X-men, Car troubles, migraines, FOH, Morlocks, Pyro, Dishes, Work, relationship problems, and the Brotherhood, it was only a matter of time before Lance Alvers finally cracked.


With Bills, lack of money, groceries, X-men, Car troubles, migraines, FOH, Morlocks, Pyro, Dishes, Work, relationship problems, and the Brotherhood, it was only a matter of time before Lance Alvers finally cracked.

**Don't Wake Avalanche**

"Bills, Bills, Bills, Bills! Oh, wait.... another bill," said Lance tossing the envelops on the tables with a groan.

"Lance, we're out of groceries," said Todd, opening the fridge.

"When ain't we?" asked Lance, with a sigh as he stood up and grabbed his car keys.

He drove to the only store within the area he was allowed to go. Only problem was it was also the only store the X-men were allowed to go since a lovely incident in a fruit isle, a milk explosion at another store, and Scott blasting Lance through a chip rack in another. He walked by Scott on his way into the store, who stopped him.

"Alvers, you better not be causing any trouble," glared Scott, adjusting his glasses.

"Whatever," groaned Lance as he flipped him the bird.

"Oh honestly you two," grumbled Jean, dragging Scott to the car.

He got the basic essentials for the house and pushed the cart up to the long line. He sighed and leaned against the cart, he was tired as heck, having to get up early to deal with a spider in the shower that Pietro just couldn't deal with. He heard a grumble behind him, a familiar man with an expression matching his own. He gave a tired half smile toward Logan, who gave him a nod of recognition.

"How's it goin' Rocky?" asked Logan, holding a case of beer.

"It's goin,' alright," yawned Lance, as the lady ahead of them pulled out coupons out of her purse.

"Looks like you ain't slept in days, bub?" asked Logan grabbing a magazine from the shelf.

"Tsk, yeah, well the Brotherhood ain't exactly on the same sleeping schedule..." he moved forwards as the lady finally left.

"That comes to $89.72," said the man as he scanned the toilet paper.

"Uh hum," said Lance, opening his wallet, and glaring at it, he only had $35, "Ohm, can you..."

"I got it, kid..." said Logan, Lance would have protested if he didn't need the stuff.

"Uh, thanks," Lance gave an embarrassed smile.

"No problem, just get some sleep," said Logan with a smirk.

Lance stopped by a small gas station on the way home to get Wanda some womanly things, he didn't really mind it too much. He gave the man a $20 bill and waited for the change as he looked at some migraine medicine on the counter. He rubbed his head, a throbbing pain in his temple and put it on the counter as well. He got his change and went outside, just in time to see his jeep about to be towed.

"Wait, man.. come on?" asked Lance, running over to the guy.

"Sorry man, it's parked in the wrong place," said the guy.

"Come one, I'm right here," groaned Lance.

"I can let you get your groceries out of the vehicle, but I gots police orders to tow it," said the guy with a shrug.

"Uhg... sure..." Lance grabbed the groceries and watched as his jeep was towed away as he took two migraine pills and grabbed the bags to begin walking.

He walked down the alleyways in deep thought about what to do about his jeep. As he did he heard a little kid yell and some harassing voices. He rounded the corner to see some FOH member harassing Torpid and Spyke. Lance looked at the surrounded former X-men and Morlock, and dropped his groceries as an FOH member took out his gun and Spyke tried to protect the little girl.

"Hey goons!" yelled Lance, causing them to turn and look, "How about I take you for a ride!"

"The hell..." one of the FOH began to say as the ground began to send them flying across the alley and into some dumpsters.

"Uh, thanks Alvers," said Spyke with a slight smile.

"No problem, I'm used to taking out the trash," smirked Lance as he went to grab his groceries, in which he could see the little girl looking at, "Ohm..."

"Come one, we should go before more show up," said Spyke picking up the little girl.

"Uh... Daniels," Lance looked down at the grocery bags and gave him one.

"No thanks Alvers, you've done your good deed of the day," said Spyke, though Lance could see he wanted to drop his pride.

"Take the damn bag, it's the least you could do since I saved your lives," said Lance, he'd plaid the right card, because Spyke accepted it and dove into the sewers as it began to downpour, "Son of a..."

He eventually reached home, where the fire department was just leaving. Lance panicked and ran down the driveway to see the garage partially burnt down. He looked at the Brotherhood who all stood outside with one extra person, everyone's finger pointed to Pyro, who was nervously holding out a piece of paper. Lance sighed as he took it and opened it, a single sentence was on it, "Tag Your It! -Magneto"... Lance looked up and rolled his eyes as he directed Pyro into the house. After putting what was left of the groceries away, Lance turned to look at the giant stack of dishes and then down the hall where the laundry was starting to make its way up the basement stairs. With a grumble he put a load of clothes in and began his venture of tacking the dishes of doom. He heard the phone ring and Pietro answer it, then after a minute.

"Lance, it's Pryde... you forgot dinner?" asked Pietro, holding the food.

"Oh sh..." he dried his hands and took the phone, "Kitty.... listen I'm so sorry, I totally forgot... wait? What?!"

Lance had fallen asleep on the couch where Pyro and Fred now hovered over. They looked at each other and then to the finally sleeping Lance, neither wanted to wake him, but it was important. Pyro poked him, and then Fred shook him. They'd expected him to groan and get up in annoyance like normal, well normal for Fred, but that wasn't the case.

"WHAT? FOR CRIST SAKES! WHAT?" yelled Lance, sitting up with wild eyes.

"Ohm... Good news or bad?" asked Fred.

".... good..." groaned Lance, rubbing his head.

"Professor Xavier had your jeep returned," smiled Fred, Lance groaned, first Logan paid for groceries... now this.

"Bad..." sighed Lance.

"Scarlet, Speedy, and Toady are down at the police station... they broke into the zoo and went giraffe riding..." said Pyro, "I wish they'd invited me..."

"Wanda?" asked Lance, eyes narrowed.

"Uh huh..." said Fred.

Toad?" asked Lance, his lip twitching.

"Yupper..." said Pyro.

"Pietro?" asked Lance, his eye twitching.

"Something to do with sugar or..." Fred backed away as Lance grabbed the stash money from under the clock and stormed off.

He arrived at the jail in no time at all, paying $300 bail, which considering their violations, Lance was shocked at how cheep it was. He glared as the three came filing up, it was apparent they'd gone pixie stix crazy. He expected this from Todd and Pietro... but Wanda.

"What did you think you we're doing?!" yelled Lance.

"Having fun," said Pietro, "We weren't supposed to get caught..."

"JEEP! NOW!" yelled Lance, pointing out the door, it was quite on the way home until they got two blocks from the house and the three began to giggle.

"...what?" asked Lance glaring at Todd, who was giggling hardest.

"...Mommy, we're sorry," the three burst into laughter.

"How much pixie stix have you had?" asked Lance, with a groan.

"Wanda had ten packs," said Pietro with a chuckle.

"Dear god... what else you give her?" asked Lance as the normally angry Wanda looked very docile.

They parked in the driveway with Lance escorting them in. Pyro and Fred were in the kitchen cooking, something Lance was slightly grateful for, until the power went out. Lance felt numb, and heavy for some reason. He's started laughing, but he hadn't become aware until Pietro began to tap him.

"That's it..." chuckled Lance, opening the door.

"Uh... Lance?" asked Todd.

"Avalanche?" asked Pyro, watching as Lance picked up an old baseball bat and getting in the jeep.

"Is...is he okay?" asked Wanda, brow raised as he started the car.

"...no," said Fred as Lance sped out of the driveway.

**2 Days Later**

"I'm worried, yo," said Todd looking out the window.

"He'll be fine, he ain't five years old," said Pietro and then the sound of a jeep cruising up the driveway made them both run to the door.

Lance burst in wearing new clothes and grinning from ear to ear, holding up a large wad of cash. He tossed the keys on the counter and wordlessly sat at the table, putting a good portion of cash in the stash cookie jar. Pyro, Fred, Wanda, Pietro, and Todd stood there watching him... he looked happy.

"Uh... Lance, where'd you get the cash?" asked Pietro slowly.

"Child support," smiled Lance happily.

"Lance... you don't have any kids, yo," said Todd.

"Yes I do.... I have four... sometimes five, occasionally six," said Lance looking at all of them.

"The powers back on," said Fred as the electricity flared to life.

"And the water, the gas, the heat, and there all paid for two more months, I even paid back Wolverine and Xavier... they didn't wanna take it at first... but I made them.." beamed Lance, holding up the money happily.

"No, really... where did you get the money?" asked Wanda.

"Your father," said Lance, pointing to Wanda and Pietro, then turning to Todd, "And YOUR father..."

"Nice one," laughed Pietro.

"I don't think he's joking, mates," said Pyro, looking at Lance's face.

"Magneto didn't wanna give it up a first, but my powers and a wooden bat did the trick. I would have been home sooner, but Toad's father is an elusive man. Finally tracked him down in Maine.... he took a little more persuading..... His... what I assume is his girlfriend, eventually gave me the money after I beat him up.... Toad I may have killed him, I ain't sure... you okay with that?" asked Lance.

".... Sure, it's uh... fine.... you found him?" asked Todd, eyes wide.

"Oh yeah... and his money," Lance chuckled darkly.

"Lance... your serious, aren't you?" asked Wanda, eyes wide.

"Uh...dinner's... ready," said Fred as the timer dinged.

"Great! Cause you know what, we're going to the store this afternoon... And we're gonna get things for the house, and some clothes, and some more groceries, and some..." Lance trailed off as Tabitha came walking in through the back door.

"Hey, guys I'm back...." Tabitha trailed off as Lance stood up, his eye twitching, "Uh... Rocky?"

"Oh god..." said Pyro as Lance picked up the bat and walked out the door.

"Where's he going?" asked Tabitha, brow raised.

"To collect more child support, butter?" asked Fred as everyone grabbed a roll.

**THE END**


End file.
